Life is very different than it was five years ago when I was blogging here on a regular basis. It is different than two years ago when I posted for the last time prior to now as well. I moved...from WA to AL to PA back to AR...the last two on my own. I went through a devastating divorce, my marriage ending after 13 1/2 years, watched my exhusband remarry the best friend whose children I had helped raise for 2 years, and walked away from it all. I went through 2 other failed relationships, but learned what I do want through experiencing what I don't. I returned home to family, changed jobs (and stuck with one!), went back to college and graduated (magna cum laude, thank you!) and even took the LSAT. I spent time with my family, especially my mother, helping to take care of her this past summer when she was ill, which is one of the few comforts now that she has passed. I reconnected with people, opened myself up to friends and other possibilities that scare me....which leads as a wonderful transition for the following....because in going through papers recently, I've come across old poems, song lyrics and other assorted writings that I felt needed to be shared. Here's a sampling:

To anybody out there that'll listen,

To anybody out there that'll give a damn

I've always wondered what love feels like,

The kind where yours is returned in kind

Moonlit strolls on endless beaches,

Stolen kisses passion fraught

Revealed us in our dreams and denied us in our lives

If love does not discriminate,

Then why do the seekers come up empty,

     And those that have it complain

I'm one of the many,

Denied the pleasure of love

Noone to comfort with a warm embrace,

No welcome kiss when I wake

Am I just a dreamer,

A star-crossed lover without love

Am I just a loner,

Wandering this world bereft of love

I am just a person,

Pure quivering flesh and blood

A person like any other,

With desires and needs the same

Can I ever attain that which I seek,

For it's always just out of reach

Can I ever regain that which I lost,

For it fled so quickly all those years ago

I will always search for the light

     At the end of the tunnel

I will always search for the pot of gold

     At the end of the rainboe

It doesn't mean I'll find what I want,

It doesn't mean I'll find what I need

But I'll always have my dreams,

     And someday I'll have you,

Just as long as I fight off despair,

Just as long as there's still hope

That someday you'll love me the way that I love you

That someday I'll meet someone that feels the same

I won't turn away,

I won't take away that chance

For I'd no sooner wish he continue without love,

As would I

Please give me that chance to fulfill my dreams of love

Though it's probly all to naught

For your feelings haven't changed

But I'll always have my dreams,

     And someday I'll have you

                                                      --HJW 1994