Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched? Have you ever had a decidedly unsexy
experience while in the midst of…well…you know. As a newlywed I remember hearing stories of how things change
when you have children, especially in the bedroom. I just didn’t understand.
Then.
I admit it, I was a bit of an exhibitionist growing up. I always forgot to close the curtains
in my bedroom at night or when I was changing.
I was in the band for many years and did theatre as well—I was used to
changing clothes in front of others and not letting much show. I figured if they wanted to look that badly,
let them. I was a tease and I enjoyed
it! I reveled in the nicknames I was
anointed with (that’s another story). I
loved being watched.
Until…
We adopted…
Three little ones…
From the local shelter.
Okay, okay, a little misleading, but I did say voyeuristic cats.
I love cats. I grew
up with cats. I was used to having cats
sleep curled up next to me at night. I
expected to be followed when visiting the restroom. I did not expect an audience in bed.
Who would have thought they’d try to stay asleep on the bed
when it was bouncing? Let alone jump up
on the headboard and lay down to watch.
Actually, I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if all they did was
watch. But no, like any other
self-centered creature, they want to be involved! Please do not make the mistake of brushing your foot up against
their silky, soft, warm fur in the heat of passion. Sharp teeth on toes does not (usually) equal pleasure! Especially if the teeth belong to a cat
instead of your lover.
Our oldest is the worst, though. She is a 14 pound shoulder cat.
Talk about co-dependent! She
just loves her mama. She loves to lay
down on my shoulder and purr (she goes all the way up to 11!), and lick my
neck, and my shoulders, and my face whenever and wherever I happen to
settle. Somebody thinks that’s
amusing. I, however,
do not want to be in bed with one person and feel two
tongues caressing my flesh. To me, that
spanks a little too much of bestiality, and while spanking may be very
enjoyable, I would rather leave the four legged critters out of it!
I guess there is a positive side to the story, though. It does allow me to indulge in a milder form
of exhibitionism without the consequences of alternative experiences.
They might meow a bit, but they can’t laugh at me. And they haven’t figured out how to use the
camera.
Yet…